Family Law

My situation is a bit complex. My ex partner and I are in the beginning stages of a custody battle for our two children (10m and 12m). We separated in 2016 and things have been amicable since, with us always agreeing on custody schedules, our schedule was 50/50 so no child support was given in either direction. Over the course of the last two years or so, his behavior has been very erratic and increasingly scary. He’s been heavily abusing cannabis and I have been told by someone close to both of us (who I trust) that he has been using cocaine as well.

Our situation is unique as we currently live in neighboring apartments (when we separated, our children were very young so I got an apartment in the same building to make things easier. Now, with the cost of renting, I can’t afford to move and neither can he).

For the past two years or so, the children have been spending more and more time with me. They consistently spend their afternoons/evenings with me (even on days they’re supposed to be at their dad’s), and return to his home only to sleep. I haven’t discouraged this but I also have encouraged them to spend more time with their dad.

Over the last two years he has been exhibiting paranoid behaviors, even accusing me of stealing money from him at one point. He has had severe anger issues, including towards our children. The breaking point for me was back in September of this year when our oldest son told me his father got angry, smashed all the dishes in the house, and then told him he has to clean it all up. Additionally, he smokes weed in the home around them, which I’ve told him numerous times he needs to stop. They have come to my home with their clothing smelling heavily of it.

When I found out about the dishes incident, I sent a message to their father and told him I’d like to keep the children 5 nights a week (Sunday-Thursday) and they can stay with him two nights a week (Friday/Saturday) and that he should use this time to work on himself and his behavior around the children. He was very happy to agree to this arrangement.

Due to the new schedule, I updated my file with the CRA for the CCB. CRA took about two months to process everything and eventually cut my ex off from the benefit in November. When that happened, he demanded that the children return to him on the previous schedule. Because of his behaviors, I refused to change our schedule back - I don’t think it’s in the best interest of our children and I’m concerned for their safety at times when they’re with him.

Since then, he has been increasingly hostile toward me. He often punches/bangs the wall that connects our apartments together in an effort to intimidate me - oftentimes our children are witness to this behavior, either at his home or on my side of the wall. He tells the children negative things about me - he told our youngest child “your mother’s a crazy woman” and told him that if he joins us for Christmas dinner this year (he’s always had an invitation to Christmas with us) that I’d poison his food. Our youngest child now has no interest in going to spend time with his father. He is uncomfortable going to his home at all due to his father’s constant smoking in the home around him, and constant negative talk about me. I have encouraged him to talk to his dad about his feelings, but he is scared, as his dad is erratic and often unwilling to have mature conversations. Our oldest continues to spend Friday/Saturday nights with his dad but only because he is scared to make him angry by telling him he doesn’t want to stay there.

I did hire a lawyer and we have just filed the papers for child support and custody, but obviously the process takes a long time. I asked my ex several times to sign a custody agreement amicably and he consistently refuses.

There’s a LOT more incidents in the middle of all of this, but this covers the basics of our situation.

So, here’s my questions:

1. because at the moment, we have no legal custody arrangement, what issues might I face if I don’t allow the children to go to his home until he can stop smoking weed around them and get his anger under control?

2. aside from phoning the police when he is being aggressive, like punching our connecting wall (which I’ve advised him I’ll be doing moving forward each time he does this), what legal action can I take? I don’t think the situation is severe enough for a no contact / peace bond, but I am scared of him due to his increasingly hostile and aggressive behaviors.

3. if there’s any advice that can be offered I would greatly appreciate it!

I do my best not to engage in his hostile behaviors and I try to de-escalate as best as I can for the safety and comfort of our children. I try to shelter them as best as I can from what he’s been doing. Additionally I am no longer accepting phone calls from him, and all correspondence is now via text so I have a record of what he says.